Its already been TWO MONTHS since Luke was born.
Looking back it feels like it's been a long time yet I still remember it all. I been working on this post for a while now but life with three kids has been keeping me busy as I'm still learning and adjusting to our new life changes, motherhood can be challenging at times but I'm sure I will eventually get there. I know within the months it will all become a big blur so I want to document it all because knowing me I know the moment I look back and read it all again I am going to find myself all emotional and in tears
I will like to say to all the moms out there that each pregnancy, birth, and baby are different, what one experiences does not mean the other will. Birth is unpredictable, amazing, and pushes us to limits we never thought possible. Our journeys are all different, and over time I have learned to accept that. Which brings me to say I was scheduled for a repeat c-section for a third time around for May 29th. Although a c-section isn't at all what I had planned (or my first choice), it was the safest way to deliver again. I did asked my doctor if I was a possible candidate for a VBAC but sadly since all three kids are so close in age he was concerned it will put me at risk during labor if my uterus rupture in the process of delivering (so that was obviously a no go and a bit of disappointment on my end.)
I feel the need to say I always see and read these magical birth stories on tv and online (I do this every time, right before I deliver, which sometimes isn't any help) But you know the ones I am talking about , the ones where labor is quick and easy and the doctor hands the baby to mom and they instantly lock eyes for the first time. I then knew I was never going to get to experience that, my first experience was painful and traumatizing I was put on bed rest and induced three weeks early & after a long 24 hour labor I was rushed to an emergency c-section, second time around I had a scheduled date for a repeat cesarean (went a lot smoother since I had an idea of what to expect), and now I had found myself in the same spot with scheduling another delivery date. By then I had come to terms that I was never going to have a "normal" birth story.
But that's okay, I am brave. I am strong. I am no less than a woman for having a cesarean.
This is MY STORY and I have come to be proud of it because normal or not the end result is what I had prayed for- a healthy baby.
That is all I ever wanted.
So lets take it back
to the weekend.. right before Luke was born. My son's birthday was coming up so we decided not do a big birthday party and instead take him out to eat as a family with a few friends. That Saturday I was already feeling exhausted and tired and experiencing a few small contractions (I had already lost my mucus plug that morning). Thankfully we made it through the day and his day was a success. The next day, which was Sunday my husband had to go back to work so it was just the kids and I so I went to go visit my parents. Towards the afternoon around 4pm I started feeling some contractions not too painful-very short like bad period cramps, but this time I noticed the pain went down to my lower back. I definitely started to see a constant pattern getting closer and closer around 6pm. I went through the rest of the evening like this (I was afraid if I went to the hospital I would get send back)
So I decided to stick it out (crazy me I know) I was texting my husband and he was getting worried telling me WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL (he was already heading home from work) but I didn't listen instead I got my iPhone and downloaded an app to time my contractions.
In my mind I still thought "hmmm maybe these are just those Braxton Hicks" but the pain was just too real and a bit intense and nothing like I had ever felt throughout the pregnancy. It was semi close to the contractions I had experienced with my son when I was in early labor. I was feeling confused because although they were durable they were becoming more frequent, yet very short within 20-30 seconds long.
The night went on, they kept coming every 15-20 minutes yet still very short. I remember I had even skipped dinner because I had completely lost my appetite. By then the contractions were remaining the same about fifteen minutes apart. It was a Sunday and once the kids were put to bed my husband and I started watching Game of Thrones (yes we are addicted to that show) the pain was still there but it wasn't completely awful, they were only lasting less than 30 seconds and obviously I was able to watch the show, so you could say I was still in no "active labor" therefore I continued to stick it out all night.
But then it quickly changed, I became desperate in pain. As the contractions continued more frequently I realized this could be "it". I started to breathe in through the pain I was feeling. All emotions were flowing; anxious and nervous, I quickly then began to wash the baby's clothes & blankets that we would take to the hospital, I wanted to make sure we at least had his bag ready in case tonight was the "big day", as I waited for the load to be over I was walking around the house, cleaning, packing, laying on the floor, moving and rocking side to side soon after that I decided to shower (I thought maybe a hot shower will do my body good) and surprisingly I was right the contractions started to slow down and became further apart, by this time it was 3am everyone at home was sleeping except me.
I remember I laid in bed and I was tossing and turning as I could not find the right spot or a comfortable position where the contractions could feel less painful. Before I knew it an hour had passed and it was 4am, right after I must have found the perfect position to rest because I passed out in deep sleep for two hours until 6am I was woken up by a sharp intense pain and that's when I knew I was in labor and this was the real deal. So I woke my husband up and I told him my contractions aren't going away, they are actually getting stronger.
He looked at me and noticed I looked exhausted, I told him I only had two hours of sleep since the whole night I had been up with contractions. He told me, "I told you we should had gone to the hospital last night, why don't you listen... Well at least your water hasn't broken" and as a long intense contraction started coming I slowly moved to my side of the bed and then in that moment my WATER BROKE!
I was shocked, like is this really happening (what are the odds) it was Monday- Memorial Day- most importantly my son's 5th Birthday and that's the day of all days that my water breaks.
As I felt the gush of water coming down my legs I tried my best to get to the bathroom, it was a weird feeling like I felt the need to pee but the thing is it wouldn't stop coming. Water kept leaking down my legs and as I looked up my husband was standing in front of me in shock as he said,
WE ARE HAVING A BABY TODAY
and then I began to cry, like seriously why would I be crying? ( I blame it on those pregnancy hormones). Don't get me wrong I was happy we were going to have a baby but it was just not at all how I had picture it. I mean TODAY was my son's birthday, I was a hot mess, I was lacking sleep, I still wasn't fully ready. In my head I thought I still had a week left to do everything on my list. Like what about my mani & pedi, shopping for new sleepwear, and getting my hair done (yes all silly unimportant things to be worried about at that moment) but in that moment that is how I was feeling (I am just keeping it real with y'all) I told my husband how I was feeling, he laughed & reassured me all that stuff was not important, like who cares, today I get to meet this sweet baby of mine.
After that the contractions started coming fast and furious, and I sensed change. It was harder to breathe through it. It was so painful that I actually started crying. I started to lean on my bed for support. I couldn't even change my clothes yet alone even try to do my hair, and that is how you know its real! I somehow managed to hop in the shower which only lasted maybe 5 min, I couldn't take it. The pressure was building, I could no longer stand still or even sit comfortably.
My husband had to wake the kids and take them to the car, he called my parents (who I am sure where sleeping at that time) to tell them we were dropping the kids because I was already in labor. I remember how fast he was rushing on the freeway, good thing there was no traffic since it was a holiday ( thank god) I am sure I scared the kids in the car because I was screaming and crying I just wanted the contractions to stop.
When we got to the hospital I was wheeled into the ER, they quickly checked me in and admitted me right away. One of the nurses took us through the back way of the hospital and wheeled me to the Labor and Delivery floor. Once there the L&D nurses noticed I was in terrible pain because they rushed me in quickly to a room to get checked. They were so sweet and patient when asking me questions since I could hardly answer without stopping every time a contraction came in. By then the contractions were coming every two minutes so they checked to see how dilated I was. I was close to 4cm and 75% effaced, holly cow! I couldn't believe it, with my son I labored for 24 hrs and only got to 6cm. This was BIG to me!
I really felt like I could do it naturally by that point, but we already had a "plan" and it was the "safest" way to deliver our baby. They also tested me to confirm my water broke, soon after the test came back positive, they hooked me up to monitor the baby & got started with my IV and my doctor had been called and notified I was in labor. One of the on call doctors came by to tell me that my doctor was actually off that day, however he was gladly going to make the long drive to the hospital just to deliver my baby. I was so happy and grateful that even on his few and rare days off he was willing to come that far and early to deliver our baby, made me love him even more. The bad thing was while we waited for him to get there I was going to continue to wait and endure all the intense contractions ahead. As that happen we started to prep for the surgery, I was given this small cup of liquid to take, its quite disgusting but they told me it was antacid to reduce the risk of an upset stomach during the procedure.
When I saw my doctor walk into my room I was all around happy, FINALLY, like beyond happy, now I knew we were ready to get this going. He quickly went over everything and soon after we were heading to the OR. The nurses, anesthesiologist, and everyone in the room introduced themselves to me, they first started with my spinal block, (in which pain medication is injected directly into the sac surrounding your spinal cord,) I always hate this part of the procedure, although it is not too painful, getting in the right curled down position is the tricky part, especially when you are shaking cold and experiencing contractions at the same time yet you cannot move. Once that was done my doctor started cleaning my abdomen area & a tube catheter was then placed in my bladder (by that time I could hardly feel anything since my spinal anesthesia had already been doing its job, I was pain free)
I knew all the prepping was done when they opened the doors and my husband was welcomed in, by then he was by my side holding my hand as we were just minutes away from meeting our son...
He gave us his grand entrance by screaming
at the top of his lungs,
the loudest cries I've ever heard from a newborn
and just when my doctor
was going to let us see him for the first time..
he ended up peeing on him.
Everyone in the OR laughed and he quickly
said he would take it as a "good luck" sign LOL
It was truly amazing to know he was here, perfect and healthy.
we welcomed
our MEMORIAL DAY baby
Luke Matthew
on May 25, 2015
at 9:45am
weighing 7lbs 13.5oz
and 20 in long
When my husband brought Luke over to me I tilted my head over and did skin to skin by his sweet cheeks, I kissed him over and over. He was just perfect and a spitting image of his big brother Ryan.
The feeling when you finally get to hold your baby after a major surgery- like a cesarean is unexplained, There is nothing that can compare to the avalanche of emotions I felt when they put this wrinkly warm bundle on my chest for the very first time. It must have been the happiest moment and another day I will consider
one of the best days of my life
he was worth it, every bit of it.
I enjoyed recovering at the hospital, I feel I always do, those four days to bond with my newborn are so special to me. Right away he was inseparable from me, He latched on quickly the moment they placed him on my chest and ever since we been nursing, I am so grateful I listened to my mother when she said not to give up on breastfeeding, it's been such a special connection between us two.
I am not going to lie I was so scared and terrified about my recovery this third time around, the moment my nurse came into my room and removed the catheter and said "okay today is the day you will be getting up and slowly by tonight you should be walking", I was ready to cry and just could not picture myself moving from my bed, I actually did not want to move or even attempt to move my stomach muscles at all. But with all of their help I was able to face my fear, I remember telling my nurse and husband "wow this is better than I expected, I am NOT crying, I am actually up and walking.
" I expected the worse because I was nervous and scared, but gosh I was so happy it went a thousand times better than what I had imagined.
Eight weeks later I am starting to feel like my old self again. I feel stronger every day and find myself doing more than I did the day before.
So here's to all the mamas whose birth was a big blur; you can be sure the moment you first met your baby was the one that made you bloom. I have to say throughout my entire life and pregnancy I never knew what to expect when it came to motherhood. I knew that I would love my little growing baby, but I never knew just how much I was going to love him once he was here.
